The age old question: What is art?!

So I touched down in Adelaide today after a week partying in Cairns and proceeded to do what any other self respecting culture vulture (guilty) would - visit the museum and the art gallary. I understand and enjoy museums, I get them - they are a way of documenting history and highlighting our ancestry; they are an education. So I pottered around quite happily: stuffed animals - tick, weapons of indigenous tribes - tick, pottery - tick...museum = done. Next was the art gallery. Now I am the first to admit I take to numbers and words more readily then drawing, design or art. I seem to recall my art teacher regarding me as a lost cause. Nevertheless I was determined to go into the gallery with an open mind and happy to learn something. The early works were enjoyable; I am not much of a portrait man ( if I wanted to look at an ancient lady I'd take a glance towards my Aunty Val - sorry Val!)but I enjoyed the landscapes. Again I can appreciate them as a documentation of history as well as for their aesthetic qualities. But this is where all of the enjoyment ceased. As I moved into the modern art section i was confronted with pieces that can only be described as scribbles and doodles. It is probably just me but I am unable to comprehend modern art. Let me show you why - if i was to present this to my former art teacher I am convinced his response would be ' Woodley...what the hell is that?'



Furthermore, if I was then to reply to him "Why sir it is 'Paler than Pale Custard Cream Moonlight Off White Old Ivory Irish Linen Cream Natural Beeswax Cornsilf Falmouth Hawain Sunset Palona Burnous' of course" I doubt very much if I would have ever made it out of the classroom. It looks like the tea stained paper you used to make as a kid to use as ancient scrolls. My 3 year old niece could do a similar job. SO if anyone can explain to me how this can make it into a national gallery please do not hesitate!!

100 - not out

Despite some near misses we have reached our century today with the triplet all alive and well and with no-one desperate to return home! To celebrate James and I decided to go white water rafting followed by paella for dinner which Andy dutifully stayed behind and prepared for us - he's a good little croc. On our way to the rafting we worked out that Mr. Woodroof and myself had seen eachother everyday for 100 days straight. I'm not sure if I have seen anyone for such a long period since I was 16! Anyone who has the pleasure of knowing James can surely understand the torture which I have had to withstand. Anyway back to the rafting - we spent an amazing day on the rapids both in and out of the boat, sliding down mini waterfalls being plunged 5 metres under water ( we had to equalize our ears on the way down!)and jumping off 15 ft rocks. Both petrifying and exhilarating it was a great way to celebrate day 100. And how could this day get any better?? The paella was absolutely 10/10 - well done croc.

Sailing the Whitsundays

Just returned from an awesome 3 days on the high seas aboard the maxi sail boat Apollo. It is a previous winner of the Sydney-Hobart race but unfortunately we didn't really get to see it in action as there was very little wind. Still, that suited me down to the ground; I would swap all the wind in the world for the 3 days of sunshine we had :) We cruised around visiting beautiful beaches, snorkling in the Great Barrier Reef and doing head first pencil dives into the ocean (no matter how many times you jump from a boat it never gets boring!) Being on the ocean gave me the opportunity to get back into the diving we all enjoyed so much in Thailand. This time I chose to do a night dive with my partner in crime Mr. Woodroof. It was an incredible experience - plunging backwards into complete darkness with torch in hand was terrifying. You can literally see nothing other then the 10ft that the torch beam covers. During our night dive, we were followed by a huge cod skulking on the sea bed. These mammoth fishes often use divers lights to hunt during the night. Everytime we saw a little fish we fixed our torch lights on it. Now these fish were blissfully unaware of what was about the happen as the cod stealithy crept up through the darkness. As it approached the fringes of the torch light you could see the huge cod slowly stalking its prey in a similar fashion to a lion, completely invisible to the poor little fishy! Then when it was in striking distance the cod pounced, snapped his jaws shut with a huge boom and the fish was no more. While it was great to see nature in action I cannot help but feel a little responsible for the demise of that poor fish! :p

I'm Back :)

Ok, so I have been completely useless at updating this for the last 6 weeks. I have been too busy, too lazy, too drunk too hungover - basically every excuse under the sun. But I am back now and will hopefully manage a few more regular updates. Our time in Oz has been full of ups and downs with the most notable low being our van being broken into. Both Andy and my backpacks were stolen and we are now clothesless! Andy, always willing to show off his pigeon frame, has been walking around topless for the last week. But enough of the low points, and in the interest of keeping this short and sweet, here are some of the highlights thus far:

1. 3 day Canoeing trip in the Noosa everglades: 3 days on the water was exhausting but great fun. We hiked up a huge sandune and took some great group photos. The highlight, without question, was the appearance of a carpet python whilst we were in our camp site. Contrary to what we were told during our briefing these chaps aren't more afraid of you. This little creature decided to come chill out underneath the table where we were cooking and just wait there patiently. Mr. Woodroof, never one to enjoy close encouters with anything that isn't cuddly, joined the women in a frenzied panic. The boys on the other hand watched on as it caught, crushed and then ate a bush rat. Lovely stuff.

2. Rainbow Beach: We were only here briefly but it is a gorgeous place with a great beach. It is also the place where James turned to me and said with earnest: 'Someone sent a photo of me in a wet suit; Adam...why didn't you tell me I was getting fat'. Classic Woodroof.

3. Fraser Island Day 1: Probably the best day of tour de world thus far. Bombing down a beach in a 4x4 with the ipod blaring, volley ball at Lake Mckenzie, followed by a box of goon (basically 5 litres of very cheap wine) drinking games, campfire and guitar...does it get any better?! I doubt it.

4. Aussie Hospitality: After learning that our van had been broken into our tour guide invited us to his house for a BBQ and a few beers. Chris, from Unique Fraser, was an absolute legend and looked after us even though it got him in trouble with the missus. The BBQ was great, the beer was better and we even had the chance to get an insight into the Aussie culture - lovely stuff.

We also met an awesome group of Aussies in Ballina who took us surfing, had us round for a gorgeous dinner, showed us the sights and generally looked after us for a few days. So cheers Emily, Marissa and Matt - we will definately catch up with you guys again soon :)

5. Byron Bay: A chilled out town, great for partying, awesome beach, good surf and friendly atmosphere. But without doubt the best thing about Byron Bay - $2 Chilli con carne at Cheeky Monkeys. That's less then 1 pound...cashback!

Partying in Phi Phi

Anyone who has seen the film The Beach (filmed at Phi Phi and the surrounding area) can imagine how stunning the island and bordering waters are. Arriving extremely tired, and feeling the after effects of a rollercoaster of a catamaran ride, we worked our way through the maze of tourist shops and bars to our room - our first one with air con! I know what you are thinking...chic.

Besides the odd dive (more turtles but no sharks :( ) and some snorkelling, the majority of our time in Phi Phi was spent partying on the beach and getting ill! After two bucket laden stints leading well into the next day you will not be surprised to hear i was suffering - ear infection, eye infection and a body clock not knowing whether it was coming or going meant that the next couple of days were a write off. This proved to be a blessing in disguise as the two gumbys I am travelling with decided that they would avoid paying the price of a tourist excursion to Maya beach (the exact location where the beach was filmed) by commandeering a local fishing boat. When they arrived on the beach they were asked to present their tickets - obviously they had none and after some debate they were informed in no uncertain terms that they would have to pay the 20 pounds or leave the island. This is where the problems started - Andy and James were divided in opinion, James wanting to stay and pay the money, Andy wanting to cut his losses and leave. Andy, belied his inferior frame, and emerged as victor. Upon returning they realised they had nowhere to stay and two bags full of alcohol. So in true bohemian fashion (that is how James now likes to describe himself) they got smashed and stayed on the beach.

Now I was asleep, blissfully unaware of the turmoil from the previous night, when James knocked on my door. Drawing the curtains, allowing the morning sun to pour in I opened the door to see James stood there...face like thunder. " I have had a shocker" stated the morose Mr. Woodroof - thrusting his elbow towards my face. It was completely covered in bites - as was the rest of him - face, neck, torso - covered. Now for someone who had regularly taken the utmost care to avoid being bitten - this was hellish. And who did he blame for this monstrosity - none other then our poor little Andrew Taylor. For days wee man bore the brunt of James' anger - the two bickering like school children. Fear not though - the triplet was not yet ready to disband, these bickering contests were common between the two lesser members of the group; let me give you an insight into their love/hate relationship.

Just yesterday, at lunch, I had to sit through the stinkiest conversation ever recorded as they spent 30 minutes arguing about who was the greater photographer and why...yawn. Scouring through photos James mumbled something about background and foreground while Andy lamented James' wonky photo's....this bickering came to a stop when the conversation switched to personal grooming. Andy has been obsessed with his hair on this trip and is convinced it is too long at the back. It was as Andy desperately tried to catch a glimpse of the back of his head in the mirror that the scariest pact in history was made. James agreed to cut Andy's hair if Andy shaved James' back *shudder* All I can say is...it must be love.

After spending five days in Phi Phi and feeling very ropey we decided our time in Thailand had come to an end, it was time to move on. So now I am writing this from a new country, Malayisa. First impressions of the capital...awesome.

King of the Ocean

After the constant partying at Ko Phangan we decided it was about time to stop faffing around and actually achieve something on this trip. With that in mind we headed back to Ko Tao to start our Open Water scuba diving course. Apparently this is the cheapest place in the world to do it and believe me it was worth every penny. After a couple of mornings of theory and a simple dive just off the beach it was time to get down to the real action.

Diving at just off a gorgeous island (apparently the Chilli Peppers rented the whole place one year) at a site called Japenese Gardens we stepped off the boat and plummeted into the unknown. What then followed was one of the most surreal, and funniest, moments of my life thus far. Kneeling on the bottom of the ocean, 10 metres below the surface and surrounded by beautiful multi coloured tropical fish, we were just about to start honing our buoyancy skills when I heard a muffled shriek and a flurry of bubbles from my left. Turning around I saw Andy jumping up and down like a girl. Just as I was about to burst into laughter I started doing the same as I was attacked by a horde of fish biting at my dead skin (can three qualify as a horde?). Needless to say the diving instructor just sat there with an incredulous look on her face; never had she seen two fully grown men (well one fully grown man) make such a fuss over a few cleaner wrasse.

Moving on...our second proper dive was due to be at Chumpon where they had seen sharks for two days running. Getting up at 6 30 like eager little beavers we were very excited at the prospect of getting close to some of the most exciting creatures the ocean has to offer. Annoyingly due to strong currents, and potentially instructor incompetency, we drifted off the dive site and were unable to go down. What made this worse was that the other groups managed their dives fine and came back on the boat boasting about the 3 bull sharks they had seen...gutted.

Still all was not lost, we went back to Japenese Gardens where we witnessed an awesome sight. We spotted a massive green turtle and was able to get as close as half a metre away as it fed on the coral surrounded fish cleaning up any spillages. It was very surreal - like watching a David Attenborough live. Cashback.

Ko Phangan&Full Moon Party

Our trip to Ko Phangan started in the best possible way... with football! Having dumped our stuff at our latest hole of a bungalow we made our way to the beach where there was az beach soccer tournament ongoing. Woody and I were desperate to get involved so we just joined a team who were short. It all started so well, scoring 2 in 2 to help us through to the quazrter finals as group winners. Next day we returned as favourites according to the mc - this guy looks like he never sleeps...ever. Our stint as favourites lasted approx 15 minutes as we crashed out after a dramatic penalty shootout. Needless to say i missed a second consecutive quarter final penalty and lost the 4th penalty shootout this year...brilliant!

Never one to dwell on misfortunes i used the promise and excitement of the largest beach party in the world to forget any sorrow i may or may not have been feeling. Several hours and several buckets of alcohol later (thats right, they serve it in buckets here...it is that type of gig) we had hit the laser filled, drowned in sound, sand. And here we stayed until sunrise (well some of us) transfixed, or bemused, by fire jugglers, sea fornicators and the skipping rope from hell- what a night!

Kanachaburi

So after having enough of Bangkok we jumped on a train to Kanachaburi. The journey was quite an experience - the train itself was a rickety old thing and we weren't sure if we would make it through our 2 hour journey. The scenery was amazing, cutting our way through rainforests and shanty towns - the lack of comfort was soon forgotten and we focussed instead on the views. Our hostel here is awesome - for less then 2 quid a night we have a hut down by the river with our own drinking area with great views - unlike Bangkok I am in no hurry to leave this place. It is so chilled out and relaxed it is how I imagine the Caribbean.

Kanachaburi is an important historical town as this is was were the famous Bridge over the Rver Kwai sits. But despite the historical value our first port of call was a place called the Tiger Temple. Now this place has received mixed reviews - it is essentially a Tiger Sanctuary run by monks where you are able to pet the tigers. The main criticisms have focussed on reports that the tigers are drugged. I definately do not think this was the case - whilst I didnt like the idea that these animals were swamped with tourists everyday I think this is where the mistreatment ends. Anyway i thoughroughly enjoyed the trip and it is not everyday you get to pet a tiger!

Impressions: Bangkok - A city of Sin

After spending 2 days in Bangkok I think I can safely say it is the most insane city i have ever had the opportunity to visit. Even crossing the road is dicing with death; the pelican crossings mean nothing and are impossible to fathom!

We have decided to sack off Bangkok after just two days. Whilst I enjoyed the experience the actual city was pretty horrendous. Depravation is everywhere with everyone fighting for each Baht they can get. With all of the prostitutes, masseuses, beggars and street sellers you cannot walk 10 metres down the road without someone trying to entice you into buying whatever it is that they are selling! Admittedly it may have just been the area in which we stayed that was like this but the whole intensity of the city was not for me - too busy and too expensive!

Bangkok - Golden Mount&Royal Palace

Dragged out of bed by the eager beaver that is Andy Taylor our first proper day in Bangkok started with a hangover. Whilst I wasn't feeling too bad after numerous Changs (6.5% - cashback!) our resident sicknote, Mr. Woodroof, was convinced he was suffering from the deadly disease Dengue Fever not simply a mild hangover.

Still we pushed on dragging James kicking and screaming, jumped in a taxi and headed to the Royal Palace. Upon arriving, we were greeted by a man in a suit speaking immaculate English. He informed us that the Palace was closed for 2 hrs and advised us to get a tuk-tuk for 20 baht (30p) to see several other attractions. What a mistake this was...Not only did we shit ourselves for the entire journey as we flirted with death on the packed roads in little more then a shack on 2 wheels, we also became part of an elaborate scam involving at least 4 people. After visiting 2 of the attractions (both of which were lame) we were driven to a shop where the tuk tuk driver gets commission. We told the driver where to go and were subsequently turfed out in the middle of Bangkok with no idea where we were...ideal. It was a loooooong walk back. Moral of the story: If something looks too good to be true it probably is (or - don't trust jumped up little idiots in silly suits!)

Still on a brighter not we did get to visit the Golden Mount, which offered great views of the city, before rocking up to the Royal Palace to see the emerald buddha. The buddha was amazing - on a alter dripping in gold and surrounded by some great temples. Trying to upload the pics but proving to be an epic on a very slow connection!

Funny sports quotes

Someone emailed me these today - I love these things. Simple things, simple minds. Anyway, couldn't resist sharing :

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I
saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother
and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we
can
expect the same thing again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

Democratic Wonderings

In spite of my love to rule by decree, and in a bid to dispel the belief that democracy is but a dream, we (Andy, James and I) have decided that our travelling fate shall be in your hands. In a publicity stunt which resembles a reality TV tactic, we will be regularly posting polls on our respective blogs giving our friends and families the opportunity to determine which trials and tribulations we shall face.

The first one is a biggie - Andy's Birthday present.

With Andy's birthday so soon after our departure date it is important that we get our travelling relationship off to a good start - we need to get him the best present possible. With this in mind we have turned to you guys to help us out. You can find the options over to the right in the sidebar - if you have any other ideas just let me know and I will add them. Happy voting, and remember...years of war, death and destruction has passed defending your right to send Andy to a ping pong show.

Booked the trip!

Just spunked £1600 in the space of 5 minutes - not a great start to the budgeting! Still least all the flights are all booked. Here is the flight itinery:

1st September - Thailand
18th October - Australia
21st January - Fiji
09 February - New Zealand
23 March - Chile

Admittedly this is not massively detailed but I'll be using Dopplr to show exactly where I am at any given point so if anyone wants to meet up just check that.

Beta Companion

As promised here is the lowdown on my second partner in crime:

Andy 'no chat' Taylor

With more energy then a meerkat on ectasy, Andy is THE socialite of the group. Outgoing and full of heart Andy's effort can never be called into question. The problem is effort only goes so far...His need to kill uncomfortable silences and constant chatting for chatting's sake has left him as the only person in the world who can talk for an hour and say NOTHING.

A hangover's nightmare, this pint sized warrior is well and truly full o' beans.

Andy's Top 10 to do:

1. Swim with dolphins
2. Dance the samba
3. Eat kangaroo
4. Don't cut hair
5. Nudist beach
6. Ride with Gaucho's
7. Help a poor person
8. Play the didgeridoo
9. Learn Spanish
10. Meet someone famous

Alpha companion

I'm lucky enough to be travelling the world with two close friends . Here is the lowdown on the first:

James ' I wannabe famous' Woodroof

The mercurial Woodroof has been a close friend since the early days of University. Exuberant and entertaining, James loves to be loved. In his desperation to see his names in lights James has dabbled in X-Factor tomfoolery, sparred with uber she-devil Anne Robinson and dreams of starring in Neighbours. Blinded by arrogance, James likened his scribblings on an envelope to Lennon's hand crafted Imagine lyrics

James' Top 10 To Do's
1. Lick a toad
2. Get on OZ TV
3. Find Nicky Whelan
4. Defy death
5. Write a masterpiece
6. MCG - 10 pints
7. Spear fish
8. Learn an instrument
9. Meet a marsupial
10. Night with abbo's

How many do you think he will manage? Answers on a postcard.